I did some things in that relationship that were unkind, and I know I hurt him badly. They just want you to know theyre sorry. The first time was about 6 months later. It may not be worth getting dumped and hurt again. If your ex is single and all their friends are dating, they may go through periods of loneliness where they desperately need to speak to someone. As mentioned, they may just be contacting you to see how you are. After carefully analyzing every possibility, when you finally respond, it turns out all they wanted was the phone number of your dog groomer. Personally I've never reached out to an ex - but my abusive ex of 5 years reached out to me. I actually miscarried shortly after confirming the pregnancy. Remember, when an ex contacts you, you need to be answerable to yourself first. I assumed she didnt want to contact me and vice-versa. I said I didn't have any expectations of him, but I wanted to take ownership and say "I'm sorry" and took responsibility. He then kept trying to reach out later because he was convinced a cartel was trying to kill him and it was my fault. I know it can feel tempting to converse with your ex and convince your ex youve changed, matured, and become a better version of yourself, but thats not why exes reach out after years. Some dumpers break up with their partners, enjoy their lives, date other people for a while, and then realize they arent happy. Its imperative that you learn why your ex reached out after so many years so that you know what to do with your ex. In fairness, you were in your teens when you got together, and they were clueless about relationships. I was unable to provide the support he needed at the time, as I had not healed and wasn't ready to let go of my trauma (my therapist says I didn't want to relinquish the power he had over me - that it was a continuation of the abuse.) But your ex cant seem to help themselves and wants to try and drag you down to their pathetic level. You can also use the online chat. About App. I hadn't recognized him at all bc he was a late bloomer -- he'd still been boy-looking back when I'd known him. My wife got sick after 2 years and I have been her carer since. That something may not necessarily be what you may have been hoping for, but its something only you have. TBO we didnt really even say good-bye was no real closure. You're finally feeling like yourself again and putting yourself back out there, when, like clockwork, your ex reaches out to you. later: Unfortunately, the knowledge that youre there still pining away for them (whether your are or not) can be just the springboard that they need to feel good about themselves. Theyll reveal whether your ex wants to keep you around out of convenience or if your ex has more selfless plans for you. If your ex talks nicely to you for a little while and then doesnt talk to you for weeks, that could mean that your ex got what he or she was after. If you stay in no contact (and you should), youll recover in a matter of days (most likely). They could, and that one little text has the power to turn your life upside down. The moment you hear from your ex, you probably wont know what your ex wants from you. You slipped back into a temporary depression, but this wont last long. There is simply no need to reconnect with him now that youre married and doing well. An ex suddenly reaching out after they broke up with you can be very confusing. But if youre reconnecting with an ex after 10 years or so, they might be texting you out of a sense of nostalgia and friendliness. It takes more energyemotional and physicalto make a phone call or video call than it does to send a text or "like" a social media post. More often than not, they just want to catch up and be friends. He contacted me on the exact date we broke up 4 years ago in february. Years after that, I was going to be back in our old area again. When an ex suddenly gets in touch with you out of the blue, it can be a confusing and frustrating situation. I think youre right. So, depending on that, choose if you want to keep any contact with your ex. Its almost like youve been waiting for me. The humiliation I felt after that made sure I never texted her back again, Aaron, a construction manager, shares with us. CNBC recently reported that 80% of active fund managers are falling behind the major indexes. You get to decide whether to forgive her and alleviate her guilty conscience. My breakup recovery method for men combines science, first-hand . The first thing most people think when anex contactsthem is that they want something. If one of my exes reached out to me years after the break-up Id know that their personal lives have become a great disappointment and now theyre reevaluating what they foolishly threw away years before. I fessed up about the hiding incident, much to my embarrassment, lol. Once you give in to the temptation and reply to their message, you might be left utterly confused about their motivation for texting you. I wouldnt bother replying to an ex who dumped me years ago, even if Im unattached. On the contrary, the partner who initiated this breakup would get a reality check. It seems that her anxiety or whatever she felt disappeared when she started talking to you again. I had blocked her and all her family on social media so no one could know what I was up to and I could just disappear. I have no idea what to do. In my opinion, love is love whether its platonic or intimate, in the end the outcome effect can be the same. Dont let your ex pull the strings on you just for the sake of finding closure. Ex Reached Out After No Contact. This is a possibility if you ended the relationship on good terms. Closure takes effort and patience, and sometimes, the wounds wont heal with an explanation. Exes reach out for a lot of reasons, and wanting a relationship again might be one of them. 5. It is okay if he contacts you after so many years. He'd already tried to reach out to me a couple times, but I wasn't ready. On a whim, I looked to see if he was on Facebook. You are not the first one to deal with this adverse state of affairs. However to say a rocky marriage would be an understatement. These may be friends, family members, and love interests whom they may have wounded emotionally or with whom they fell out and its totally normal to want to find a way to resolve longstanding issues and gain a sense of peace. Its okay if your ex doesnt contact you, Linda. Do exes come back after leaving for someone else? My ex reached out to me about 15 years after we broke up. Don't immediately reply and take some time to think it over to figure out what you ultimately want out of this interaction. If you have a partner, think of them as well. A host of questions must be bothering you to the core: Why do exes come back after leaving for someone else? What Does It Mean When A Guy Calls You Sweet. He studied at the University of Amsterdam and has a bachelor's in Clinical Psychology. I'm Sorry for What Happened His email said that he'd had some things on his mind. Video calls with loved ones are really meaningful when youre not getting to see anyone outside of your own reflection in the mirror. Similar to blaming, Paul says anger is a sign that they have not moved on, which tracks with the grief stage of a breakup. Dont reach out with specific expectations about an old friends responsereach out because you would like to hear their voice again and check in, and nothing more. Make sure you remain honest if you decide to speak. Closure is not something you can give someone or receive from someone. It means that you must wait for your ex to verbalize or show what he or she wants. When you get a text from an ex, all youre probably thinking about is what they want. Here are 7 reasons your ex might pop up months (or even years!) I got a message on Linkedin today andI'm so confused (the message said I came up in their feed I don't even know how that's possible we live in opposite side of the world, work in different industries and don't share contacts)? So, they are back to mess with your head, bring back all the memories, and stomp your progress in the healing process. Will defo not repy if he decides to reach out again! Instant replies hint at either interest or an unfulfilling life and even if both might be true, dont let your ex pick up on that. So they come back, tail between their legs, ready to renegotiate their bond with you. He ended up forgiving me and it was a wonderful feeling, to not have to carry around that burden anymore. The grass looks greener, so your ex skates out into the wild world of dating to find someone who ALSO has quirks, hangups and is generally human just like you are. I'm here to tell you that this is a BIG opportunity for you and it's something you shouldn't ruin. We were both in happy LTR's, so there was no flirting or anything like that, but it felt really good to speak honestly and openly. Until that happens, you dont do anything. Your ex probably felt apprehensive about contacting you after so many years, but because your ex was curious about you or needed a favor or something else from you, he or she contacted you anyway. If you dont want to reply, you dont have to and you frankly shouldnt. He had no intention of getting back with you romantically. Its up to you, but she is married, after all. Three words: Manage your expectations. That's actually something I thought of doing. But this article is so important and healthy ways for dumpeees. Wish him good luck. Since you can never really know why they contacted you, you shouldnt make assumptions about anything. And this isn't just a one year anomaly either. Last Updated on October 11, 2022 by Alexander Burgemeester. I am considering contacting my ex that I havent had contact with I over 5 years. Friendships are funny thingssome of the relationships you think are the deepest are really reflecting more about the intensity of that time in your life, not the genuine depth of the relationship. But he and his wife are in local choirs so I reached out because Im interested in that myself. You must keep in mind that your ex (the dumper) decides what kind of a relationship is possible. For some strange reasons, exes seem to pop up when were at our lowest, making it easy to forget about how terrible the relationship was and give in to their charms. But if youve received an adequate amount of closure after breaking up with them and actually have been able to move on, it could be easier to respond or even ignore the text. As you say, it was likely just an attempt to ease her guilt. We shared that we'd both stayed hung up on each for years after the break up. If you still have feelings for this ex, and are considering the prospect of getting back together, dont just jump into it. Maybe shed met someone else and lost interest because of him. Exes sometimes need years to process the breakup and find reasons to communicate. QueasyAllday 1 yr. ago ouch TX_Farmer I sent an ex a sincere apology letter. After a few weeks of talking, take the plunge and suggest the two of you meet face-to-face. all about love and couple relationships in their varied forms. It felt good verifying that intuition. Talking again was good, and I'm happy we did. And for people who arent just trying to cushion the blow while their ex is weeping in front of them, it can be really tough to say no to an ex who reaches out in a friendly way. Perhaps they have even started dating soon after the breakup. I had my ex reached out after 2 years of no contact after cheating on me and treating me poorly during the relationship. When exes come back after months, there could be a rosy side to it too. In such cases, the steps to ensure closure need to come from within. He was. However, video calls are especially meaningful when someone is totally isolated or when grandkids or more than one person is at one end of the phone. If your relationship was healthy, you might not feel the need to speak to the person, or you may still have them in your life. Due to pride, they dont get back together immediately, get on with their lives, and date other people. In such situations, it is important to understand that the ex is texting when the ex feels like it. 1. He was enraged and hurt me by yelling at me in anger and with the things he'd said. They could have seen something on social media and became unable to stop thinking about you. I think I'm willing to give it a second try.". Every relationship ends differently and there is no strict rulebook to follow when it comes to dealing with an ex contacting you years later. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. It was like a weight lifted. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. Theyve heard youre single and so have decided to try their luck and see if youll agree to go for a drink. If you were dumped and forced to go no contact with your ex, asking your ex this question is perfectly fine. Turns out, we have thought about each other since and by the time she realised, was too late as I had married the next women I went out with. Thank you for being you. It was just a very strong intuition, and one that was "confirmed" when he'd shown up at that beach thing, even though the rational part of my mind said I couldn't really "know" that, and that it probably wasn't likely. Most people go through lifehidingparts of their character because theyre afraid of being judged. But they do that only if they still have some respect for their ex, if they see that their ex has grown significantly in their absence, or if they get hurt. The ill-fated lets be friends cliche is still alive and well. This helps us in two different ways. Besides, you have no way of knowing whether your ex will be forthcoming and candid in their response. There was a lot of love in your dynamic before, and that may have turned to affection and warmth. Now that you are planning your life with a new person, the chances of your ex-partner getting back together with you are practically zero. Unless your ex-partner was an abuser, listen to what theyve got to say before deciding how to handle the situation. What does it mean when an ex contacts you years later? Unanticipated, unasked, over five years later. You might end up immediately assuming things like: Is this a new start to our relationship? It was like a weight lifted. reg-o-matic 5 yr. ago After close to 20 years, my ex wife reached out to apologize. I suggested spending more time together at hers, or going away together somewhere to stay for a period. I dont think there is a deep hidden meaning here. PostedMay 1, 2020 So first things first, discern what your ex wants from you and secondly, what you can gain from your ex. Related Reading: 15 Clever Ways to Turn Down An Ex Who Wants To Be Friends, Elena, one of our readers from Los Angeles, was still trying to move on after her partner ended things over an email. Until you reach 41 weeks, your provider may not do anything unless there are problems.