Our differences are what make people interesting. Seriously though, Joss Whedon writes amazing TV his shows are some of the best the medium has to offer. My stepfather and my mother told me I was weird and that Id regret it because Id never be popular or normal, or get boys to like me. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. For example, younger children may not be able to express themselves as well and may need help doing so. He thinks it's ridiculous. But he also doesnt need to pretend to like whatever she is in to. Not for a minute did I think she was missing out on anything because of not having a dad, as she had my dad and my brother to fill those fatherly roles. Spyglassez Sometimes it can be a simple matter of communication, or a lack thereof. Id even argue that as the adult here, he should be putting in more of an effort to accept her for who she is and take an interest in what she likes, instead of the other way around. July 2, 2013, 3:55 pm, Damn, this is like the last thing I would think commenters would get all riled up and defensive over , 6napkinburger I went through an accapella phase and a disney phase and a pop punk phase, a Growing pains phase, and on and on, and he rolled his eyes and helped me set the VCR, but wasnt willing to watch it. Sure, he dragged me out on hikes that I hated, and I was a brat and pain during many of them. We still dont have a great relationship, mostly because he is an authoritarian asshole in a lot of other ways, but if he wasnt such a bully and tried to meet my sister and I halfway, we probably wouldnt hate him as much as we do. haha. And his dad didnt want to hear anything about my husbands interests. Oh and get this, occasionally, I orchestrate it so hes not the asshole no-fun mr knitknots type, and I do unfun things, like make her come serve soup at a homeless kitchen or walk dogs at the SPCA or help our elderly neighbour do various stuff. As always, your anonymity is golden. lets_be_honest But since we dont know which type of person the girls father is (bullying and hurtful, or rude/stubborn yet ultimately well-meaning) I think its helpful that people who had experience in this issue can comment. And lets face itthe daughter is about to become a teenager. You are actually the only other person not from Scranton that has known what the show was! And we always managed to have fun and more than a few laughs. They gave me a mixtape with a whole bunch of different Beatles on it, and I am still a huge Beatles fan to this day. Especially a board game like Cranium where everyone can shine in what theyre good at, and it can be good to pair up with someone youre different from. All rights reserved. The kid keeps it all inside because she doesnt want to disappoint Mom, and the relationship with Dad dies. Actually, we dont know this girl but based on this letter, I think that the father is very concerned that she isnt well rounded. I adore them and love them as people, not just my parents. HA! Saying his mom walked out because he hates him. A parent should NEVER make fun of their child. July 2, 2013, 3:39 pm. Keeping your cool under stress, responding as calmly as you can, and walking away when you find yourself unable to keep calm are completely within your power and help you claim the power in your home. Also have to add that her father probably doesnt realize it, but at that age I felt like criticism of what I took an interest in was equal to criticism of myself. This is actually not difficult. I agree with this, except, I dont think the mother was intentionally pushing these shows on her, it probably just happened. Sorry but I dont understand why you married him. She played Meribor (spelling.) But even then I would tell you to be a little more hipper and current than Buffy . The mother is at a loss as to why her husband is driving her daughter away, but she has a few theories. "So last night, I did everything exactly the same way, but it was a disaster. Agree i cant imagine being receptive to spending time with my dad when it consists of him mocking what my 12-year old self likes AND assigning me reading assignments. The Golden Rule for all intimate relationships is just as relevant in this situation: No matter how good your intention or how deeply you care for your partner, dont keep participating in interactions that create frustration and emotional distance. As your confusion increased, you probably felt a stronger need to make things happen the way they should, while your partner accused you of obsessively tracking his or her every move. July 2, 2013, 11:36 am, I have 2 boys and after a few years of action figure battles, Iron Man and Dr. Doom started going to the mall. So, tell your husband to make an effort with her rather than making her feel like shit about her choices. i ask my son to pay 250.00 a month to pay car insurance and cell phone. Oh and shes also going hiking with her dad this weekend because I told her to suck it up and get her ass in gear and tell her dad she wants to go, oh and shes also taking spinning classes with him this fall because her size 0 ass isnt gonna last forever with the way she eats spaghetti since she shares my DNA. The wife should be supportive of his efforts, but he needs to act like a grown man and stop being so selfish. Its tough when you realize that your husband and daughter dont get along. A: There are two things to consider here. It must suck to have go some where with the two of them, and because your wife wants to be best friends with your daughter, you probably cant even talk with her while they are together. The fact that you cant appreciate the beauty of T-Swifts prose is mildly concerning. It can be even tougher to try to figure out what to do about it. First, remember that it is normal for there to be some conflict between a parent and child. This is exactly my experience, too. He may feel like he's being left out or that he isn't good enough for his daughter. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,600],'therelationshipnotes_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_10',130,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0');You feel yourself in big trouble when suddenly your husband and daughter are caught in the middle of a nasty argument. It may take years and years before the pay-off is apparent. More my daughter is a student and is not working right now, so i don't have her paying. Just because you dont like Buffy and have introduced a bunch of facts that dont exist in the letter (your comment below about what the dad has been putting up with for years!?!) July 2, 2013, 12:33 pm. I enjoyed it so much, I went both mornings. Ostensibly through her mother. July 2, 2013, 2:59 pm. Perhaps the dad needs his own assignments on theater, literature and pop culture? The LW can do more to assist, and certainly needs to break away from the us versus him mentality (its easier said that done) but at the same time she cant force 2 other people to enjoy their time together. July 2, 2013, 11:56 am. My junior daughter does & my husband complains all the time that she has no need for a cellphone except when she is driving. I even managed to convince him to watch Firefly (he loves Jayne. The letter says the daughter cant watch what she is interested in when he is around. I didnt say all mature and intelligent adults like Buffy or Star Trek, Im just saying there are mature and intelligent adults who like Buffy or Star Trek. They loved the entire concept and they loved the show. Really so good and so true! Lastly, I'm so excited to share my Ask Erin Self-Care Guide . I totally get it, but shes just got to snap out of it and team up with Dad. July 2, 2013, 12:29 pm. (Which is fine, I guess. July 2, 2013, 2:09 pm, Absolutely agree. Hes embarrassing her. Not from Scranton either! Hed take me to Barnes and Noble and buy me a new Star Wars fan magazine every time. Give it a look and let me know what you think. Im notorious for doing this to family and friends, but you know what? If youre having problems with your husband because of how he treats you or his parenting style, then you need to handle it with him, not by forming an alliance with your daughter against him. 1. Sometimes that means taking a step back and letting things calm down before you try to mediate. Yeah, I wasnt responding so much to Mark re: sports but to culture as a whole. Tell her how much he appreciates it. July 2, 2013, 3:46 pm. sarolabelle Maybe he can break out the old Van Halen or Metallica for her to listen to and you know, maybe she will just really like it. I reminded him that he likes sex better in the morning and he called me frigid and slept on the couch. July 2, 2013, 12:28 pm. Be happy that your daughter has a father who wants to be involved in her life. Im sure its frustrating for him, I just think hes reacting in a jerk-ish way. My mom and I were not friends like this, and she let my dads bullying escalate to keep the peace. I didnt say she was liking or disliking things to get close to her daughter. I was thinking this too. How frustrating for your husband that you have turned your daughter into a clone of all the things about you that are probably annoying to him Things he has quietly tolerated for years But now are somehow totally taking OVER your lives. This jealousy can manifest in destructive behavior, such as belittling his wife or trying to undermine her relationships with others. I wish Id been closer to my mother growing up, but now that Im almost 30, were as close as can be, so maybe itll just take a few years. YES! Sad. Or its hilarious I have seriously never watched football in my life, so I once got called on to do a touchdown dance. Gently explain that you're not happy approaching this guy because you think he's simply not interested and that, if she continues to chase him, she's leaving herself open to more hurt and disappointment. She along with his son & ex wife all live 3000 miles away. I get that hes probably feeling left out, but thats not cool. 6napkinburger He also occasionally went to movies with us. Great lesson to learn from your dad. Weird. However, now as an adult, he appreciates my intelligence and how much thought and research I put into topics, even if we dont agree. Once they believe that true love need not be obligatory and that intimacy is not automatically correlated with entrapment, they are often eager to learn new ways to make their needs and fears knownand let love in. I feel like the mother may be inadvertently teaching the daughter that its OK to make it all about yourself. If you find that the conflict is escalating or if there is name-calling or other disrespectful behavior, its time to intervene. Before reading Wendys answer you and your daughter sound awesome! Most passive aggressive folks have two things in common: 1. Also, I want to tell an awesome story about my dad. The Inner Light, frequently hailed as one of the most poignant sci-fi television episodes of all time. I have to just try harder.. Saying they were weird made me feel like the lesser for having been touched by their stories. Particularly this, Help her see the best side of her dad, even if hes sometimes making it difficult. My parents did stuff with me because I wanted to and vice versa, of course thats important! Up to a point. Exactly! Then stress that it's not too late to re-engage with his with family, the solution lies with him. I was an athlete and a complete girly girl (still am), so my dad got his sports buddy and princess in one child my sister was not into sports or girly things. Those twin feelings are what create the strong urge to come back with intense commitment after each escape.. Even if they like different kinds of books (fantasy vs. history, for example), if they both like to read, Dad can take her to Barnes & Noble and buy her a novel and a cup of coffee. While I do agree that you should be encouraging your daughter to share your husbands interests with him (and that includes showing an interest yourself), LW, I think a lot of this falls onto your husband doing kind of a crappy job at parenting. It is definitely a good idea for the LW to lead her daughter by example by showing an interest in Dads interests and even suggesting an outing that he would like or that all of them would enjoy. I finally watched Firefly for the first time last night with my bf who has been begging me to watch it with him. Why is my husband driving my daughter away?. Some people say yes, a parent should love their child more than their spouse. These were followed up by hours and hours of This Old House, which we were required to sit through for family time but we werent allowed to speak at all during the show, lest my father miss something. You always give good advice (duh!) Isolation One of the most common tricks of a mentally abusive partner is to isolate their victims from the rest of the world. He was just happy that I was excited about reading. And he lived 10 minutes away from us. But I agree with everything else you said. oh, wait - his father wanted nothing to do with him for years. A few years from now this guys daughter interests may have changed, but she wont be bothering to talk to him about it or anything at all, most likely. Her free spirit and spontaneity. THIS. She SHOULD be more informed and its good that her dad wants her to be. Try to get him to nix the assignments things (because, I mean, UGH) and remind him that shes only TWELVEshell eventually grow out of the fangirldom. What makes a person so hard to please or so unwilling to be predictable? Good stuff all around! WE cant watch anything on TV or listen to anything in the car related to her interests while hes around, and if WE are talking about something he will sometimes break in and tell US to stop because it annoys him. Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? He still clips those articles, and even though he and I are a ways apart politically, I can always trust them to have something well-reasoned and thoughtful to say. lets_be_honest Im guessing the teen might be into the more recent iterations of Star Trek, the latest movies to come out of that franchise. Yours on their own will just isolate her as, frankly, many out there find fangirls and fanboys annoying. I tried to go fishing with my dad a few times when I was younger and it was the most boring thing on the planet. My grandparents have a VHS of her wishing my cousin and I happy birthday. He is, however, driven and self-reliant. I think theres something to be said for being well-rounded. Your dad was probably not rolling his eyes and making disparaging remarks about your interests. I think the good sign is that LWs daughters interests tend towards the geeky. His dad wasnt a particularly avid fisherman, he just thought it would be a good father-son activity. But if youre saying that getting the daughter into these things was some deliberate, malicious move on the part of the mother, I doubt that. And my dad is a veritable warehouse of rocknroll trivia when a new song came on, hed often share a fact he knew about the band (Did you know Rush is a three-person band, and that the bassist is the lead singer?), or tell us about a concert he went to in his youth (hes been on stage with Ozzy, yall, close enough to see the O-Z-Z-Y tattooed across his knuckles), or quiz me and my brother to see if we knew who the band was or what the song was. I think the disparaging, if nothing else, has got to stop. WWS, and YOU need to stop pulling away from your husband, because he doesnt have the same interests as your daughter. They had all sorts of questions about those eras of American history, and we watched a couple of documentaries, and then I get my kids coming in and going, Hey, there was a thing on The History Channel this weekend about Salem, and I made my dad watch it! And then in American history, they were studying colonial America just after we read it, and so I get the history teachers going, Holy shit, thank you! . My father would have considered my sister and I uninformed if we held an opinion that he didnt share, even if we weighed both sides and did research on the issue. But the problem here is not that the daughter dislikes her dads interests. But in college I fell in love with art history and now I actually take days off work to go visit art museums! Ross says it definitely would have beenif not for his tendency towards horrific sea-sickness. Her daughter should stop liking it just because her mother likes it. Its rude for an adult to behave that way towards another adult, and its downright hurtful to do it to your child. I agree with everything Wendy said, and your daughter will certainly benefit from spending quality time with him, even if they arent doing things that she necessarily enjoys. But the dad is giving the kid homework? That is why he is pushing her to explore new things. He is your best friend, your teammate and your partner. Here are just a couple of typical statements from people in relationships with crazy-making partners: Im really confused. July 2, 2013, 11:03 am, I think what needs to be addressed here is the the primary relationship in a familythe marriage.